How to Talk to Your Child to Get Things Done

When your child with ADHD delays, ignores, or forgets what you’re asking them to do, it’s not about them refusing to cooperate on purpose.

ADHD makes it harder for kids to follow through because of challenges with motivation, working memory (remembering multi-step instructions), and their natural distractibility.

The key is to communicate in a way that cuts through the distractions and helps them focus on the task at hand.

Here’s a step-by-step guide to make your words more effective:

1. Go to Your Child

Why it works: Shouting from another room isn’t effective. Kids with ADHD are easily distracted, so they may not even register what you said. By going to them, you ensure they hear and see you.

Example:
Instead of yelling, “Clean up your toys!” from the kitchen, walk to where your child is playing. Standing close grabs their attention and sets up the interaction for success.

2. Use Gentle Touch

Why it works: A light touch on the shoulder, arm, or hand helps redirect your child’s attention to you in a positive, non-threatening way. It also conveys affection and connection, which helps reduce defensiveness or resistance.

Example:
Place your hand gently on their shoulder and say, “Hey buddy, I need you to start picking up these toys now.”

3. Make Eye Contact

Why it works: Eye contact increases focus and shows that the conversation is important. Kids with ADHD often tune out verbal instructions, but eye contact helps pull their attention back to you.

Example:
Get down to their level, gently touch their arm, and say, “Look at me for a second. I need you to put your shoes on now because we’re leaving in five minutes.”

4. Keep It Brief and Clear

Why it works: Kids with ADHD get overwhelmed by too much talking. Keep your instructions short, direct, and to the point, using a calm and firm tone. Avoid yelling—it increases resistance. If you need to reprimand, speak in a low, firm voice and keep it brief.

Examples:

  • ✅ “Please put your backpack by the door now.”
  • ✅ “Shoes on. We’re heading out.”
  • ❌ Avoid saying: “I’ve asked you three times already! Why are your shoes still not on? You never listen, and we’re going to be late!”

Reprimand Example:
If you need to correct behavior, keep your voice calm but firm:

  • “We’re not jumping on the couch. Please get down now.”

The key is talking less and touching more—a calm but direct approach keeps communication clear.

5. Have Your Child Repeat It Back

Why it works: Asking your child to repeat instructions back to you ensures they’ve heard and understood what you said. This step reduces frustration for both of you because you won’t need to repeat yourself multiple times.

Example:

  • Parent: “What do I need you to do right now?”
  • Child: “Put my shoes on.”
  • Parent: “Perfect! Thank you. Go ahead and do it now.”

6. End with Affection

Why it works: Ending the interaction with affection—like a gentle pat, hug, or smile—shows that your relationship is still positive, even when you’re giving instructions. This helps maintain trust and connection, which makes your child more likely to cooperate in the future.

Examples:

  • After asking them to clean up: “Great job starting, kiddo. I knew you could do it!”
  • After repeating instructions: “Thanks for listening—high five!”

Key Takeaway:

Children with ADHD need clear, focused interactions to follow through on tasks.

By going to them, using gentle touch, making eye contact, and keeping instructions brief, you can help them focus, understand, and act on what you’re asking.

Asking them to repeat instructions ensures they’re on track, and ending with affection strengthens your bond while reducing resistance.

With these simple steps, you’ll see better results, fewer arguments, and a calmer, more cooperative dynamic between you and your child. 💛