Helping Your Child Offload Working Memory

f you’ve ever felt frustrated because your child with ADHD struggles to follow through on tasks—despite clearly understanding how to do them—you’re not alone.

It’s not a lack of intelligence or effort; the challenge lies in their working memory.

This difficulty can make it hard for them to hold instructions in mind long enough to complete tasks, often leading to misunderstandings and unnecessary frustration.

What is Working Memory?

Working memory is the ability to hold instructions, images, or information in your mind while completing a task. It’s a crucial part of executive function, enabling people to apply what they know when they need it.

Children with ADHD often struggle with working memory, making it hard for them to hold instructions in mind long enough to act on them. Add in their natural distractibility and impulsiveness, and it becomes even more challenging for them to complete tasks successfully.

The Problem Isn’t Laziness or Malice

Many parents and teachers mistakenly conclude that a child who doesn’t follow instructions is irresponsible, defiant, or lazy. It’s important to remember that children with ADHD don’t choose to disregard instructions—they face a brain-based challenge with working memory and impulse control.

The Solution: Offloading Working Memory

To help your child succeed, create external supports that offload their working memory. These tools reduce the cognitive load and help your child stay on track.

1. Make Lists

Lists are simple yet powerful tools for externalizing memory. Write down what your child needs to do in clear, concise steps.

  • Example: A morning checklist:
    • Brush teeth
    • Get dressed
    • Pack backpack

2. Use Picture Sequences

For younger children or visual learners, use picture sequences to show the steps of a task.

  • Example: A sequence for cleaning their room:
    • Step 1: Put toys in the toy box (picture of toys and a box).
    • Step 2: Fold clothes (picture of folded clothes).
    • Step 3: Make the bed (picture of a tidy bed).

3. Provide Written Rules and Steps

For tasks like homework or chores, create written instructions or charge cards that outline the process.

  • Example: A card for doing homework:
      1. Write your name at the top of the page.
      1. Read the instructions.
      1. Complete one question at a time.

4. Encourage Self-Talk

Teach your child to verbalize their steps out loud as they complete a task. This helps them stay focused and reinforces what they need to do.

  • Example: While packing their lunch: “First, grab the sandwich. Now the apple. Next, the water bottle.”

5. Create Behavior Contracts (for Older Kids)

Work with your child to set up clear agreements about expectations and consequences. This helps them stay accountable while providing structure.

  • Example: A contract for screen time: “I will complete my homework and chores before playing video games. If I do this, I can have 30 minutes of screen time.”

A Word of Caution

While these tools are incredibly helpful, be mindful not to overwhelm your child with too many lists, cards, or visuals at once. ADHD already makes it hard to filter out distractions, and too much input can have the opposite effect. Start with one or two strategies, and adjust as needed.

Key Takeaway:

Your child isn’t acting irresponsibly or “choosing” to forget tasks.

They’re grappling with a brain-based challenge that makes it hard to hold and apply instructions.

By using external supports like lists, picture sequences, and written steps, you’re giving your child the tools they need to succeed—while building their confidence and reducing frustration for both of you.