Finding Balance and Reducing Conflict with Your Child

If you’re parenting a child with ADHD (or ADHD traits), you’ve likely experienced the daily challenges of getting through chores, homework, and other requests.

Kids with ADHD can struggle with following instructions due to difficulties with focus, emotional regulation, and shifting attention from activities they enjoy.

These moments can often lead to tension and arguments, leaving everyone feeling frustrated.

To add to this, 65% of kids with ADHD develop Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) within two years of their diagnosis, making compliance even more challenging.

For parents, it can feel like an endless cycle of repeated commands and resistance.

But by reassessing priorities and making small adjustments, you can create a calmer, more balanced dynamic.

5 Simple Strategies to Create a Calmer Dynamic

  1. Let Some Requests Go:
    Not everything has to be done right away—or even at all. Decide what’s most important and let go of what isn’t. Example: If your child hasn’t made their bed today, ask yourself if it’s really necessary right now or if it can wait until tomorrow when things are less stressful.
  2. Identify High-Stress Times:
    Notice when conflicts usually occur and adjust tasks to times that work better for both you and your child. Example: If mornings are chaotic, skip chores like making the bed and focus on getting ready smoothly. Shift those tasks to the afternoon.
  3. Start with the End in Mind:
    Think about how you want a particular time of day to feel—calm, productive, or connected—and adjust tasks accordingly. Example: If bedtime often ends with arguments over unfinished chores, prioritize a calming bedtime routine and save less urgent tasks for the weekend.
  4. Ask Who Benefits:
    When deciding which tasks to focus on, think about whether they’re truly for your child’s developmental benefit (such helping them build self-awareness, accountability, ability to sustain attention), or if they serve another purpose, like your own well-being.
  5. Check if It’s Urgent:
    Not every task needs to happen right away. Give your child flexibility to complete tasks within a reasonable timeframe.

    • Example: Instead of saying, “Clean up your toys now,” say, “Let’s make sure everything is put away before dinner.”

A Crucial Reminder: Your Well-Being Matters, Too!

While flexibility is key, your needs as a parent are just as important as your child’s. If keeping a clean house helps maintain your mental health and sanity, that’s a valid priority. The key is finding a middle ground to help your child complete tasks with minimal defiance.

Examples of Compromise:

  • Have a conversation with your child to agree on a schedule. For instance, she can play games after making her bed or tidying her room when she gets home from school.
  • Use rewards or incentives: “Once you put your toys away, we can go outside and play.”
  • Turn tasks into a game: “Let’s see if you can finish cleaning up before this song ends!”

By working together to find flexible solutions, you can maintain the structure you need while fostering a peaceful and cooperative home environment.

The Big Picture: Balancing Priorities with Flexibility

Parenting a child with ADHD requires a balance between focusing on what’s important and allowing space for compromise. Reassess your priorities and decide what truly needs to get done while finding creative ways to make it happen without constant conflict.

Flexibility and compromise can help you meet your own needs while creating a calm, supportive environment where your child can succeed. With these adjustments, you’ll see less resistance, more cooperation, and a more peaceful household overall. 💛

Key Takeaway:

Kids with ADHD can have a tough time following instructions, which often leads to frustrating moments for both of you.

But by focusing on what really matters and letting go of less urgent tasks, you can reduce stress and create a more peaceful routine.

Being flexible and finding compromises, like agreeing on a schedule or breaking tasks into smaller steps, can make things smoother for both you and your child. 🌟