Celebrating Your Child’s Wins to Build Self-Esteem

ADHD often makes it challenging for kids to hold onto positive experiences, and they’re naturally more vulnerable to criticism and negative feedback. Understanding this, as a parent, you can play a powerful role in lifting your child’s self-esteem and helping them grow into confident, resilient individuals.

Why Celebrating Wins is Important

All human brains, especially young brains with ADHD, are wired to focus more on the negatives (a concept psychologists call negativity bias).

Your child may remember the times they were scolded for being forgetful or for not following instructions.

Over time, this negative feedback can lead to feelings of shame, low self-worth, anxiety, and even depression.

The good news? You can actively help rewire their thinking by creating more positive experiences that stick!

Experts suggest a 3:1 ratio of positive encouragements to criticism, but for kids with ADHD, these positive moments need repetition and time to make a lasting impact.

Tips for Celebrating Your Child’s Wins

• Focus on Authentic and Specific Praise
  • Instead of offering generic praise like, “Good job,” be specific and genuine. Point out exactly what they did well.
  • Example: “I noticed how hard you worked to focus on your homework today. You didn’t give up, even when it got tricky. I’m so proud of your effort!”
• Reframe Negatives into Positives
  • Instead of focusing on what went wrong, look for something positive to celebrate, even if it’s small.
  • Example: If your child only managed to clean part of their room, you could say, “You made a great start by picking up your toys. That’s a big step! I’m proud of you for making progress.”
• Celebrate Effort, Not Just Results
  • ADHD often makes it difficult for kids to consistently achieve the results we expect. Praise their effort and determination, even if the outcome isn’t perfect.
  • Example: “You really tried your best to be patient with your sibling, and that shows how kind you are. I’m impressed with how you handled it.”
• Use Encouraging Body Language and Tone
  • Your voice, expressions, and gestures matter. Smile, make eye contact, and use a warm tone to emphasize your pride and appreciation.
  • Tip: A big, genuine smile and a high-five can reinforce your words and make them feel even more special.
• Repeat and Reinforce Positive Feedback Often
  • Because kids with ADHD may struggle to hold positive memories in their working memory, repetition is key. Keep pointing out their strengths over and over.
  • Example: If they did something brave or responsible, remind them of it throughout the week: “Remember when you spoke up for yourself in class? That was really brave!”
• Create Opportunities for Small Wins
  • Set them up for success with simple, achievable tasks and celebrate when they complete them.
  • Example: Give them a small, manageable chore, like feeding a pet or organizing their art supplies, and celebrate when they finish it. “Wow, you took care of that so responsibly. Great job!”
• Balance Criticism with Encouragement
  • When you need to correct behavior, follow it up with encouragement. Make sure they know you believe in their ability to improve.
  • Example: “I know it was hard to stay calm when you felt upset, but I believe in you. Next time, let’s work together on what you can do to feel better.”
• Normalize Mistakes and Promote Self-Compassion
  • Remind your child that everyone makes mistakes and that it’s part of learning and growing.
  • Example: “It’s okay that you forgot your homework. We all forget things sometimes. Let’s think about how we can remember it next time.”

Removing Shame and Building Self-Esteem

• Create a Safe and Loving Environment: Make sure your child knows they are loved unconditionally. Your acceptance of who they are—ADHD and all—can work wonders in building their self-worth.
• Model Self-Compassion: Show your child how to be kind to themselves. If you make a mistake, talk about it and show them how you handle it with self-forgiveness.
• Celebrate Small Wins Together: Create rituals to celebrate successes, like a special dance, a high-five, or a “win jar” where you write down achievements and review them together later.